Let's be honest, most people are going to know whether they are a dom or a sub. You probably don't even need this article. Still, if you are just venturing into the BDSM game, you may be starting to find your feet. So, let's go over a few of a things that you should think about when trying to work out whether you are a dom, or whether the submissive role is the one that you want to play.
We will start with the definitions of each. By reading the definitions, you may start to get a feel for which group you fit into.
What Is a Dom?
Dom is short for 'dominant'.
In a relationship, the dom is the one that takes control of everything. They are the one that decides how that sex is going to pan out. They are the ones that decide when their partner is going to be driven to orgasm, and even stop an orgasm before it 'kicks off'.
A dom takes great pleasure in being controlled.
What Is a Sub?
Sub stands for submissive. This is the complete opposite to a dom.
When somebody is a sub, they take pleasure from the fact that somebody is controlling them.
In a BDSM relationship, the sub is the person that takes the punishment. They may be the one tied up, or the one denied an orgasm.
How Do You Know Whether You Are a Dom Or a Sub?
Most people will know whether they are a dom or a sub. Some people may even be both and switch between the two, depending on the sex session. However, we do want to give you a few ideas on how you can work out which type of sex is most appealing to you.
Do You Enjoy Control?
If you are a fan of controlling somebody, then you know that you are a dom.
If you are the type of person that decides which sex position is next, then you are the dom.
In our experience, doms tend to be the 'top' in a relationship. Even if you have never experienced with BDSM before, you may have already experienced dom traits in the midst of sex. You may love to pin your partner down, or guide them to what they need to do next. There may be a small amount of 'aggression' in the way that you act, although you never get violent. You just know what you want when you are with your partner.
Do You Love Being Controlled?
If you prefer somebody telling you what to do during sex, then you are probably a sub.
In our experience, subs know exactly what to do before they are told to do it. If a quick glance from your partner tells you that you need to give them head, for instance, then you are a sub. You are willing to bow to their every whims.
We do want to point out at this point that there are different degrees of being a sub. A BDSM relationship isn't about being controlled 100%. It is about being controlled to within your limits. This is why it is important that the sub has a safe word that they can use. Although, that's a story for a different day.
Are You Willing To Try Anything In Bed?
If you are willing to try just about everything in bed, then there is a good chance that you may be a sub. You need somebody to guide you towards something, and you don't want to say no to them.
Although, once again, we do want to point out that you are going to have your limits, even as a sub. However, if you are the type of person that really links to experiment with some kinky stuff, then you are probably a sub.
Do You Have Control of Your Own Life?
Interestingly, the best doms are those that have a hold on their life. They may have power elsewhere in their life, and they may not have a ton of worries. This is something that translates to the bedroom.
Those that may not think that life is going their way tend to fit more into the submissive category.
Do You Want More Than a Sexual Relationship?
If you do, then you are probably a dom. Doms focus more than just sex. They focus on the foreplay. They focus on the constant control over somebody (again, within reason)
A sub, on the other hand, just craves that sex. They want to be controlled. They want to be driven to the point of orgasm. They want to give everything that the dom wants, with no exceptions.
Are You a Good Communicator?
In our experience, subs tend to be better communicators. We suppose this is because it makes it easier for them to tell the dom what their limits are. They also tend to have a better read on the situation. As we said before, a better read on the situation means that you are much, much more likely to know exactly what the dom wants without being told.
What Is Your Personality Like?
Outgoing people tend to work far better as doms than they do as subs. Likewise, those that tend to be much quieter and reserved work best as subs.
Are You a Good Decision Maker?
If you are great at making decisions, then you will work well as a dom. If you have to think about everything that you do in your life, and perhaps seek guidance, then you are probably a sub.
As we said at the start, you will probably know whether you are a dom or a sub. Chances are that you may fit into both categories. It is fine to experiment a little bit. Just remember that no matter what you do, you have to remain safe in bed. This means ensuring that safe words are used!