Contrary to popular belief, being a good dom isn't about hopping into bed, screaming at your partner, and then controlling absolutely everything that they do. If you do that, then you are going to be a terrible dom. In fact, you are actually projecting a sign of weakness. Luckily, you have us. We are going to guide you through everything that you need to know about being a better dominant in bed.
Listen To Your Partner
Your partner may be a sub, but it is important that they play a role in what you do to them.
It is important that you know what your partner's limitations are. Everybody has boundaries, and it is important that you learn how to read body language, and even get a feel for safe words.
A good dom is one that doesn't push things too far. If it looks like your sub isn't enjoying something that you are doing to them, then take a step back. Take a massive step back.
As you do more of your dom/sub roleplay, you will get more of a feel for what your partner likes.
Use Dirty Talk
Dirty talk can work wonders when you are a dom. Don't just do things. Tell the sub you are going to do things to them. Tell them why you are doing it. You really, really need to lean in hard on the roleplay here.
Something as simple as whispering into their ear "I'm going to make you fuck me", is more than enough to get them going.
Get Familiar With Your Tools
Äs a dom, you are probably going to have a ton of kinky tools at your disposal. These are your toys. Your outfits. Your chains. Get familiar with them. Know what to use and when you should be using it.
Once you are familiar with your toys, it makes it easier to plan out your BDSM session. You want to start out nice and gentle, and then have things get progressively more intense, and then you wind things down a little bit.
Remember, when you are using a new toy in your BDSM, you should pay attention to the reaction that you are getting from the sub. This will give you more of an idea about whether that toy is a great one to use, or whether it isn't meshing well with them. Remember, you should never, ever do something that your sub doesn't like!
Build Trust With Your Partner
BDSM isn't something that you should be jumping into with a one-night stand. Being a dom means that your sub needs to trust you. They need to trust that you are not going to push them beyond their limits. They need to trust that, as much as you may hurt them (with permission) during the session, everything is going to be fine at the end of it.
Before you start to get serious about your BDSM, we encourage you to talk to your partner. Build up a proper relationship with them. In our experience, BDSM works so much better when you are in a long-term, committed relationship.
Remember, BDSM doesn't need to happen every single time that you have sex. Sometimes, being a caring and trusting partner means that the sex can be 'normal' every few times.
Don't Yell. Learn To Speak Powerfully
Yelling is a sign of weakness. A serious sign of weakness. Honestly, it baffles us the number of people that are willing to scream at their partners when they are being a dom. Don't do that. It doesn't turn anybody on.
Instead, you are going to need to learn how to speak powerfully. Speak in a commanding way. Speak with a deep voice. Even when you whisper into their ears, there needs to be that power there.
Honestly, if you can nail how to speak properly when you are the dom, then everything else is going to fall into place. Hell, most people will probably end up getting turned on based on the sound of your voice alone.
Know How To Deal With The Sub-Drop
What happens when the sex is over? Well, as the dom, everything tends to be fine for you. You get that winding down period, but it isn't too intense.
However, the sub goes through something known as 'sub drop'. This is when they feel incredibly low. It is psychological.
During the sub drop, it is important that you talk to the sub. Let them know that everything is going to be OK. Let them know that they did a good job. Hold them close to you and just hug them.
Subs tend to need those loving feelings after the sex has finished, and if you don't give it to them, then it could put them off of sex. It could even put them into a state of depression.
When the sex is done, ask your partner for feedback. Find out what you did right. Find out where they want you to improve.
Get as much information from your partner as you can. The more feedback that you get from your partner, the more you will be able to spice up the sex next time you act as a dom.
Remember, while it doesn't seem like it, a dom-sub relationship is a two-way street. The dom should only ever do what makes the sub happy. A sub gets their kicks from being submissive. They don't get their kicks from being treated like garbage.
If you follow these 7 tips to be a better dominant in bed, then we reckon that both you and your partner are going to have a much better time. Remember, when you are doing BDSM, every single session is going to be a learning experience. You will discover things that you will want to add or remove from your next session.
Your first dom session may not be the greatest, but if you keep learning and keep practising, then it will eventually be the best sex that you have ever had.